Helpless? Hapless?

Probably the word I hate the most - "HELPLESS" .

I wish I had the power to change certain things that happened or accept it, get some closure and move on. I hate the fact that I was too young, I lived half a world away, My parents wouldn't have let me, I wouldn't have made a difference anyway.. I hate the fact that scientists have not yet perfected time travel, I don't have psychic powers, I might be turning into a cynic or worse a nihilist, today!

I hate the fact that I was helpless then, and I still am.

Or maybe It's just hapless.. Unfortunate..