Of prejudices and preconceived notions.
Scene: A busy intersection, thrown in a broken down truck blocking the road for good measure,somewhere in the Godforsaken place called Coimbatore!
Starring : A pretty girl, 2 self proclaimed "cool dudes"( Wearing clothing u sneaked out of the girls section, pants that are about to fall off, driving a macho bike with faux raybans and china touch phones is not cool! . Knowing how to be a gentleman? Thats C.O.O.L)
Text in parentheses indicates thoughts in pretty girls head!
PG is wearing a tee that has 2 pictures of Kurt Cobain below the words NIRVANA. The back of the tee also reads NIRVANA in big block letters.
CD1: Hey look that girl is wearing NIRVANA!
PG:(wow! fellow NIRVANA fans, how nice!)
CD2: (without missing a beat!) Yeah!Must be her brother's tee!
PG: (Is the tee that big for me?)
CD1: yeah! of course which girl would listen to NIRVANA?
That incident was prejudice a it's best!! by now u have guessed pretty girl was *drum rolls* MOI!
The only thought running through my mind was U want perjudice? I'll show u prejudice! U listen to "teen spirit" and"come as you are" and consider yourselves big NIRVANA fans? Do u have the bootlegs i have? How many NIRVANA songs do u even know?10?20?*scoff*! How many concert setlists can u recite? can u name even one of Kurt's guitars? Do u own "with the lights out"? Do u even know it's inCESTicide and not inSECTicide? oh!what? u thought Love buzz was a NIRVANA song?
Part of me wanted to go prove to them how hardcore a fan was I.But I took the high road and sped away!
This is not a question of a girl listening to NIRVANA! This is indeed a question of unadultered sexism! The misconceptions about women among men is endless!I'm not the kind to say hey! Lookey! Kiran Bedi is the 1st IPS! I feel sickened whenever i see a headline read "So-So becomes the First woman to do s0 and so!" Why is it such a big deal anyway? Who even created the distinction of being "the first woman?"I"m not the kind to say women can to anything men can! Infact i like men to carry my bags for me,give up their places to me in a crowded bus.in fact i hate the word woman! somehow i find it so uncivilized.we should be called ladies!
I'm not a feminist! in fact i believe being a feminist is actually a weakness. Has anyone ever hear of a "manist"? Then why should there be feminism?
I'm the kinda girl who would gladly give a man the upper hand in any relationship.Afterall, he is a MAN!
I'm not saying a man should command and a lady should obey, but just that the man must be the leader, but the lady must not be meek and submissive.( Well, i'm the kind that would probably point out hot chicks for her man to check out, so whatdayaknow?)
But when men act in a prejudiced way when it comes to the opposite sex, it irks me to no extent. Most of the guys I meet ,are surprised by the fact that i follow EPL or F1! Why? Is testosterone a necesary criteria for watching sports?Even more are surprised by the fact that i love Rock music!Why?Should a girl not listen t anything other than backstreet boys?My male friends are stumped by the fact that one girl friend of mine is a gadget freak!Why?Don't girls have enough grey matter to be tech savvy? I could go on and on but seeing as i have been totally incoherent throughout the post, i will stop here!
I will say this : Kurt sings in Territorial pissings "never met a wise man;If so it is a woman".. I have to say I respectfully disagree Kurt.. Men are wise.. as long as they realize women are wiser :)! so u see Kurt was a wise man.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Smells Like Sexism!
Posted by harshni at 7:35 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
Well well well!
Whenever I meet someone new, say it a gal, n we run thro a conversation
I move into al these topics yu've pulled in. I ask em bout EPL, F1, Gadgets n stuff, & in reply MOST of the gals come up wid- I'm a Gal & throw up a scornful look. Who is to be blamed here ma'am?
Why should there be feminism?
I don't mean to be rude, but you've obviously got a VERY wrong idea of what feminism is about. Feminism is not just about bra-burning and lesbianism (which is what most people-- including me when I was ignorant about it -- think it's about). Feminism, as a movement, is a retaliation to what has been man's dominance over the other sex since the beginning of the world. You contradict yourself several times in the most, while talking about prejudices:
?"I"m not the kind to say women can to anything men can! Infact i like men to carry my bags for me,give up their places to me in a crowded bus.in fact i hate the word woman! somehow i find it so uncivilized.we should be called ladies!
I'm not saying a man should command and a lady should obey, but just that the man must be the leader, but the lady must not be meek and submissive
Aren't you sucummbing to your own stereotypes here? Society's conditioning on you, that has somehow made you assume that "man must be the leader" and that you "like men to carry your bags for you"? Why should they? Why should they be the ones who are courteous? Why can't it be us who are opening doors and offering to carry their bags? Why can't it be THEY who move to our homes after we Indian girls get married? (you didn't make this point, but I'm making it, to drag this thread of thought ahead)
What is happening here? Your belief that man should be the leader is, in fact, a reflection of you being a victim of invisible male dominance. I don't blame you, don't mistake me, but that is how society has ALWAYS been. There came a point when women finally realized that they had enough, and stood up to fight for it.
And they fought in different ways. Some wanted to achieve the same rights as man. Others didn't, they wanted different things, because they thought that by attempting to be like MAN, they were holding his achievements as the benchmark.
Others fought for the right to education. The right to VOTE. The right to earn their wages. Such basic things, that we take for granted today, are a result of struggles that happened several decades back. And you ask why there should be Feminism? If we don't stand up for ourselves, you they THEY, the sex who have always dominated us, who always will, you think THEY will? Can you imagine what would have happened, what our position would be if the feminist waves hadn't happened?
Being a feminist is not a weakness. Far from it. "Manism", as you term it, has never existed simply because there was never a need to fight for their liberty. Child marriages still happen in India. Men are allowed to indulge in polygamy by several religions, women aren't. SATI still exists. Do you still question the need for it?
I'm not saying that feminism is, as I mentioned before, all about the packet problems that exist. It's also about being a WOMAN. You say you find the word uncivilized. Why? What is your conception of an uncivilized woman?
I regret to say that I agree with Vigneash. Most girls DO NOT listen to Metal or any kind of hard rock/watch sports intently/do any of the things that you have mentioned. That doesn't mean we succumb to stereotyping, but it's BOUND to exist. And I don't blame them, because this is the LEAST offensive that they can get. Can you imagine what it would be like if a guy asked you why you don't wax your arms because that is what girls are supposed to do? It doesn't mean that what they're doing is RIGHT -- stereotyping is NEVER fair. But it's reality. We all have an image of a "cool dude" in our heads, just like they have an image of a "pretty girl".
And by expecting men to give up their seats for you because they're MEN and you're a WOMAN (and not because you're both people, and it doesn't matter who belongs to what sex), you're probably not helping.
I'm not judging you, please don't mistake me. It's just that the general idea of feminism is so convoluted, it took me one research paper, plenty of reading and 5-6 months to get things clear in my own head. Feminsim can be seen in the smallest of actions -- it's a belief, and a choice.
You are OBVIOUSLY perfectly at will to believe what you choose -- have men be chivalrous etc. All I'm saying is, don't condemn the MOVEMENT or the IDEOLOGY, because it hasn't been easy for us. At all.
@sharanya
First of all, extremely well written comment! kudos.
I don't think it was rude at all. you are entitled to ur opinion.
Coming back to my perception of feminism, i agree with you to the extent that we haven't had it easy, but I sometimes think that what is perceived as weakness by hardcore feminists is actually a lady's prerogative. I may have been born in the 80's but I'm Victorian in spirit.I like the daintiness with which ladies of that era carried themselves. That's one of the reasons why I still love it when a man opens doors or holds put my chair. While some might perceive it as weakness, I actually think it's a sign of respect for the lady, when a man does those things.
Minor point, but i think that when a man offers to carry my bags, I don't think it's because I can't do it myself or he thinks I'm fragile, but he doesn't want me to exert myself.
The reason I said Feminism is akin to weakness is just due to the fact that our society needs feminism is in itself lamentable. In a perfect world, there should be no need for any one gender to parrot it's equality or defend it's dignity.
Some WOMEN, use feminism as an excuse to go gallivanting about saying "women and men are equal" My question is why should that even be said aloud? Isn't that a fact? Why should anyone state the obvious?
Coming back to the whole "men are leaders" thing, maybe that's a sign of the fetters of chauvinism , but maybe i'm just old school!I don't dispute that ladies make great leaders but when you let a man lead you are bolstering his ego and in the long run that makes for a wonderful relationship. I'm not saying the lady always needs to be the one making the compromises, but that a lady is capable of thinking more level-headedly than a man and just the fact that she lets him lead shows a strength of character in her.
And stereotyping irks me on a personal level.It's something i feel vehemently about because i'm prone to it on an everyday basis, but in the grand scheme of thinks it's just water under the bridge.
I'm neither condoning nor condemning feminism-just saying that if someone is going to be a feminist she should be so for the right reasons.
Hey,but I'm just a novice at the whole thing, so if i'm totally off base ur welcome to correct me. Maybe I need to restrategize.
If you're a self-proclaimed Victorian, then there's little I can say, because their society functioned pretty much like ours, today. Austen's novels (TOTALLY guilty pleasures) are full of old aunties interested in fixing their daughter's marriages, dowry, arranged marriages and failed love affairs. Which is why I used the words "invisible male dominance". They didn't REALIZE the extent (just as we don't) to which we zre being overpowered by them -- because it works on such minute levels.
My point is more basic -- why should you think that a man doesn't want you to exert yourself? Are you any lesser than him? You cannot carry your own bag, is it? Or have you been conditioned, like the rest of us, to think that it's THEIR job to do so?
when you let a man lead you are bolstering his ego and in the long run that makes for a wonderful relationship
Because that's what they're used to. It really depends on what you're happy with -- serving and succumbing to him (and in the process, reach such skewed conclusions -- skewed because well, it's completely OUR fault that we have let them take control and not fought back earlier about this), or holding your own and still making the relationship work. Because, you know, if you can't do that, you're only undermining your own dignity. If it was a case of mere respect, then shouldn't women be holding out chairs and opening doors for men too? It should be irrespective of gender. It should be a People's Habit.
But it's NOT.
As for parroting it -- you have to realize that everyone's needs are different. I can never expect myself or you to fully understand the troubles that women fully go through, because we have been a privileged lot. Sometimes, people NEED TELLING. They need to be told that no, women are not stupid and yes, they NEED their space and rights too. We are a long, long way off from equality.
Hey,
This is Sonal, Sharanya's friend.
Are you pro objectifying women? ONLY if you are, your following comment is justified. "Well, i'm the kind that would probably point out hot chicks for her man to check out, so whatdayaknow?"
When you call yourself 'a pretty girl', you again are defining yourself in terms of your looks, merely. Is that ALL you or any other girl is? So,women=hot bodies/pretty faces.
"I'm the kinda girl who would gladly give a man the upper hand in any relationship.Afterall, he is a MAN!"
So a man is great. Is domestic violence justified because he is a MAN? I know I'm going to extremes, but only extremes can explain what you say CAN mean.
If you are encouraging guys to think this way, why blame them for thinking for thinking the way they do?
I'd say, who gave the man the right to say that women are wiser, in any way? Who are they to decide? Anyway its a contradiction, you say women are wiser and then say men and women are equal.
You should read, and then decide if you agree with the phenomenon. Kiran Bedi being the first woman IPS officer, IS A BIG DEAL, when you realise that most of the women in our country don't even have higher education. Like Sharanya said, we are just an awfully lucky lot, except that equality with men is STILL a long way to go. When women burned bras, they did it within a specific context.
Feminism a weakness? Doesn't standing up to your beliefs(in a relationship or otherwise)require MUCH more strength than giving in? And just because men are jerks and the society sucks, we compromise and give in to make the world a happier place to live in?
No offence intended, really. We wouldn't say these things if we didn't do whatever research we did, or write our paper. It's just a little naive to say these things without knowing the context. AFTER knowing, you can have your own opinion.
@Sonal, sharanya
hello there Sonal!!
I'm no standing up for domestic violence or something like that! I'm not saying that the lady should bow down to the man or anything of that sort. Maybe I'm taking the easy way out, but if I'm in a relationship, I would gladly hand over the reins to the man as long as the direction we take is the right one, i don't care who does the driving..
Each and everyone of both ur and Sharanya's points are completely valid, but I think some of the stuff I posted, has been taken out of context.
The only thing i'm saying here is that, i despise the stigma attached to a lady accomplishing something. When someone says that She is the first woman to do this, aren't they subconciously implying that "in-spite of being a woman, she has accomplished this"? So even when they are lauding u arent't u being made polemic at the same time?
As to the whole objectifying girls and pretty girl thing, that was all in a lighter vein.. just forget that!
Disclaimer : 'Men' doesn't encompass all men, and 'Women' doesn't encompass all women.
When someone drags you down, it's unavoidable that you fall. That's what happens when you help man by letting him lead you. You got yourself to blame also for whatever happens.
As for the chivalry part, men don't hold chairs out because they don't want women to exert themselves. Just putting on a sweatshirt and a jean will cost you much more than pulling a chair. No, men do it because women think it's what a gentleman does. And they like it. And men do it to impress, because physically it's not much of a help.
This isn't going to be a structured comment. Just points here and there. You can't call yourself victorian and listen to metal. You can go the extra mile and invent a new era - "neo victorian". But now that doesn't exist.
Women are not only hot bodies and pretty faces. But you can't rule that out totally :O You can only point out a hot/pretty girl when you cross one on the street, because you don't what kind of a person she is. You can't go "Hey look, now that's a strong woman who's not pretty but probably supremely strong willed" when you don't know a thing about her.
@sonu,
"I'd say, who gave the man the right to say that women are wiser, in any way? Who are they to decide? "
You are questioning man's right to speech. It was a quote made by a supremely talented fellow who was on weed for 90 percent of the time.
No one decided anything.
"And just because men are jerks and the society sucks, we compromise and give in to make the world a happier place to live in?"
This statement is similar to when men believe a girl's tee is her brother's if it has EPL/Metal on it.
If what you girls know about feminism after all this research is true, then that feminism is truly overrated. In My Honest Opinion.
Curious, what is equality anyway? And when you do attain that, what will happen of feminism?
@ Ryan:
Since I pity you so much, I don't think I'm going to waste any more of my time replying to any of the profoundly hilarious comments that you have made.
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
--Martin Luther King
Good luck to you. I sincerely hope you don't go out into the world and proclaim such views, for I have been kind with my pity. Others will not be.
@ Harshni:
We're talking in circles. Men and women have NOT been equal. HENCE the issues. I cannot even BEGIn to explain the problems that women face in URBAN cities, let alone illiterate towns. I study in a girls college that takes in minorities, there are horror stories that one cannot even imagine. But never mind; we could keep at this, and I don't suppose any of us will get any further with this.
However, I completely appreciate the fact that you are willing not to make any comments or restrategize, because you admit you don't know enough. I used to be in your place, some 6-7 months back, and I KNOW how dangerous it is to think that way. I REALLY hope my absurd thinking has not caused any problems. I don't know EVERYTHING, obviously, not even MOST of it but I know enough to admit that there is a genuine problem here that needs to be resolved. And flinging about words and theories about equality will not not solve any problems, but will, in fact, lead to more problems. Thank you so much. For giving me the hope that there are people in this world who are willing to change their ideology if they realize that there is some truth to it.
Sharanya
Hilarious eh? Good enough, after all i did mean it in light vein.
Thanks for your pity, but take it elsewhere. And yea ignorance and stupidity are quite dangerous, but it's just my opinion from what I read in your comments above, ignorant or stupid is for you to decide.
Whatever gave you the idea that I was against it, I don't know. But still, there are unwarranted arguments above, and that is what I'm not OK with.
@ryan.a.nash
First of all, it was mostly Heroin not weed :P , but that was not a one-off comment that Kurt made when he was high.It was his life long crusade so to speak!
.Alright the men do the whole chivalrous thing to impress.why does it matter why they do it as long as they do it anyway..
Why can't I be Victorian and punk at the same time? To quote u "who makes these decisions anyway?" I support the whole punk ethos of non-conformism but I like the Victorian primness too!I love how Smells like teen spirit still bugs my mom ( Thats the whole point of the song init?) but I also wish I had my very own Mr.Darcy...
And I agree with u on the whole objectifying women thing. After all there is no girl in the world that though she publicly admonishes a guy who wolf whistles at her does not enjoy it even a minuscule amount.After all which lady would not want to be called hot?
@Sharanya
U really tend to go for the Jugular don't you?U and Sharan must have been pugilists in ur previous lives!LOL!
Anyway, I recognize the fact that there is a problem but my only problem is I can't relate to sexism in it's goriest form as i have never even come anywhere close to seeing it.. Maybe thats why it hasn't impacted me so much.. But hey as I said before I'm willing to wipe the slate clean of my misconstrued ideals and learn what it's all about begining today. Not to sound like a broken record, but thank u for making me aware that there is a different perspective to the whole thing!
Post a Comment