I'm sitting down to write this post with a humoungous cup of Italian coffee(Melosa!Try it, it's God sent) some wonderful music(courtesy Sharanyan!Cuz become a DJ!Oh! and his house has the best food!Gr8 music+Gr8 food+PJ's from my bro=clubbin' experience!I don't drink so i don't need me no alcohol!and i definitely don't dance!) and lotsa time on my hands..so it might end up completly 180 from where it started!Read at ur own discretion!
"AMERICAN IDOL"-The single most watched TV show on Earth(If u ask Ryan Seacrest, even Martians watch it).It garners 100's of millions of votes each season,catapults virtual unknowns into stardom,spews out multiplatinum recording artists and grammy winners and makes a lot of moolah.It's a show i've been watching from day 1,and though i hate to admit it, it's my guilty pleasure.I feel guilty because a section of the performers are too amateurish to even sing in their bathrooms,but like me, many fellow criminals tune in to watch the drama and a fairytale unfold right before our very eyes and yeah! ofcourse there's Simon Cowell the saving grace of the entire thing!
There was this show which gave AI an ass kicking of a life time!Rockstar INXS!The show had legendary band INXS on a quest to find a half decent replacement for their dead lead singer Michael Hutchence!Those are big shoes to fill!The contestants were professionals and totally awesome!
Let's pit the two against each other!
*ting*ROUND 1:
The Judges
AI:
Randy jackson:
He's my dawg!But Randy I can't tolerate there being a score of "Greatest artists of the known world!" and BS! No! u NO U DID NOT work with Jesus Christ!Stop blowing ur own trumpet!But i give u props for being adorable and giving some meaningful comments!
Paula Abdul:
Paula ur sweet and i could fit u in my pocket,but have u swallowed a theasauraus or are u secretly preparing to write GRE hun? And no! I don't carry my Gibberish to English dictionary around too! Woman u danced with a cat(watch opposites attract) for heaven's sake!Paula dear, ur on AI not project runway.Can u please comment on the singing and no the "pallette of what they are wearing"(she actually said this).
Simon Cowell:
He's my home boy!A class act!I love anything British!
The fourth judge is just in consequential and i don't even want to mention her!
ROCKSTAR : INXS
INXS are one of the greatest bands of the era and their judging was consumately professional!
In addition we had Dave Navarro of Red Hot Chilli Peppers as a judge too!That man has some serious chops!The word outfit was probably never mentioned on the show and they may not have been as verbose as Paula but man! were their comments meaningful or what?
ROUND 1:Despite Simon, It soes to Rockstar!
ROUND 2:THE HOSTS
AI:
Ryan Seacrest, u are eye candy, sweet, smart and incredibly humourous! We love the jibes Simon and Ryan poke at each other!We love that you are short but still manly! We love when u say "Seacrest Out'.U are always impeccably dressed, u can think on ur feet and i tellu, u host the Academy awards and the Oscars will no longer be a chance for the big screen to show how boring the small screen is!
RS:INXS
Brooke Burke, a playboy playmate!She is a model and we know models ain't exactly Albert Einsteins!Brooke honey, U look gorgeous but stick to occupations that require u to never open ur mouth doll!go on!! Run to Papa Hugh Heffner and play with ur bunnies now!!
ROUND 2:I'm team Ryan on this one!!
ROUND 3:THE BANDS
AI had Rickey Minor while RS had the House band! This is a no contest! Rickey and the band are gr8 but unfortunately i'm not in Kindergarden anymore!
ROUND 3:The House band are badass!
ROUND 4:The Format
AI:
AI had a theme each week and the contestants had a wide repetoire of songs to choose from, nost contestants though pushed the enevlope too far by doing covers of originals that the "theme" became redundant!For eg: We would hear a Jon Wayne cover of "Because the night" for 70's week!(I din' know Wayne was a reincarnation of Patty Smyth!oh wait! she's still alive!Wow maybe the AI contestants perfected the clonning process)Plus, AI had zero innovation till season 7 when they allowed contestants to play instuments!Now atleast contestants bring their own arrangements to give new twists to popular songs!Like Kris Allen's Heartless or David Cook's Hello(Please ban Whitney Houston songs from idol!pls).Leaving the entire eliminating power in the hands of the viewers begets disaters like Sanjaya,Taylor Hicks and Scott Savol!(Simon Fuller there's a lil' thing called learning from experience!) And please do away with the awful, obviously lip-synced,corny group numbers!(And while ur on it can u pls check if someone slipped Coke(cocaine) into Paula's water cup!maybe that's why she's so incoherent!)and we don't want to see shameless plugging for movies produced by ur studios too!Get rid of the "mentor" crap too! Seriusly! Quentin Tarantino as a mentor on a music show?What is he? The lead singer of the "I have a new movie comin' out, so i'll go pretend i'm John lennon to a bunch of idiots" band?The man is the director of Kill Bill not Sound of Music!Were u all stoned when u brought him on the show?
RS:INXS
The public decides the bottom three then they sing for their lives.They sing INXS classics with INXS themselves backin up as the band(OMG) and then INXS choses who goes home!Neat! Also the contestants are given a songlist to chose from each week and the haggling over the songs adds oodles of drama!AI take note no fillers to drag the show,no stupid ford commercials, no cheesy group numbers,no plugging for movies and oh! the contestants week in and week out have to give their own arrangements of the originals!That gave rise to some amazing songs (goto youtube and listen to J.D.Fortunes California Dreamin' or Marty's Hit me baby one more time!) there was also a week where contestants had to compose their own songs.This week gave us Pretty Vegas(J.D) and trees(Marty)!
ROUND 4:Not even a contest!RS gives AI a Suckah punch!
FINAL ROUND:The contestants
AI:
People like Adam Lambert, Kris Allen,David cook,Chris Daughtry and Constantine Maroulis not withstanding AI's contestants should be rechristened from a "Crop of Singers" to a "Crap of singers"Want proof here's a list of people who belonged to the list of supposedly top 12 best singers in USA!Sanjaya Malakar,Scott Savol,Chris Sliegh,Lindsay Cardinale,Taylor Hicks,Reuben Stuttard,John stevens,Mandisa,Niko Smith,Kevin Covais,Camille Velasco,Mikalah Gordon,Paris Bennet(princess P!my foot!),Haley Scarnato,Kristy Lee Cook!
There were some gr8 singers i accept (Tamyra Gray,Kelly Clarkson,JPL,Bo Bice,Carrie Underwood,Jenifer Hudson,Ace Young,Daughtry,Eliot Yamin,Blake Lewis,Melinda Doolitle,Michael Johns,Carly Smithson, Brooke White,Danny Gokey, Kris and Adam) but they are too lil' too late!
RS:INXS
J.D, Marty,Mig, Jordis Unga, Suzzie Mcneal to name of few were simply awesome!period!They sang reall songs(Joan Jett,Nirvana, metallica as opposed to Whitney Houston,Celine Dion,) and they were really musically inclined.. Marty who had never sung a pop song before was asked to sing Hit me baby one more time.He flipped it and made it his own!(That's what i call a judges pick!No boundaries(Kara's song for Kris and Adam) is just judges SICK!
Bottomline:It's a knock out!(Yeah!I know this year's AI was the best so far,esp the finale,but finding a crop of singers like this year again is a huge ask!Adam Lamberts don't happen every year!).
P.S: I love David Cook though!He's one Hellua singer!take a listen to Light on. u'll know what i'm talking about!And If u don't like Adam Lambert ur musically retarted!He's friggin' awesome!
P.P.S: If u haven't seen ROCKSTAR:INXS yet, it is worth waking up @ 3 in the morning and downloading! Trust me!(Watch it for J.D's songs if not for anything else!)(BTW, is it P.P.S or P.S.S? Who cares anyway?)
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