My hands shake as i type this post. I listened to the "Le Zenith", live in paris (14/2/1994) version of "Where did you sleep last night" (by Nirvana) around 10.00Pm last night.It's past 3.00 Am now and i still can't sleep. I heard that song alone in the darkness of my room on my headphones and I cried, not just silent tears kind, but all out wailing kind for how long i dunno.. I dunno what brought on the tears but i couldn't stop. When Kurt says "shiver for me" in one bridge i really did shiver, whether for him, i know not! It's 3.00am and i'm nowhere near sleeping as yet. My body is still reacting to that song.. I never knew a song could affect me this profoundly..Something about that song, whether the cello or the gut wrenching way Kurt sings it(he seems almost in tears in the 1st verse..so much raw emotion) went straight to my soul.. I still am crying sporadically and for the first time ever, i'm not ashamed to admit it..
The bottom line is I still haven't obtained closure over the fact that Kurt is gone and i dunno how i'm gonna deal with it...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
A post at 3.00 Am from a teary eyed me
Posted by harshni at 2:28 PM
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4 comments:
kurt is gone n others are here..
kurt has gotten his share of people's tears.. relax..
@Hari
One million of the best singers in the world cloned together wouldn't equal kurt! That caustic wit of his is irreplacable
i didn't mean to deface kurt in any way at all, or to hurt u.
what i wanted you to realise is that 'his greatness' killed himself because people worshiped him for being someone that he didn't think he was.
prior to 1994, people probably made a big deal out of him for what he wasn't and post 1994, people have been spending too much time crying over the consequence of the stupidity of the pre-94rs.
if kurt couldn't bare the pain of people liking him for who he wasn't, he really wouldn't want people to cry for him..
and about the million singers thing; kurt wasn't the best singer or the best lyricist.. it is just that when he sings his songs, they mean a lot.. i think u'd agree to that.. kurt singing anyone else's songs or someone else singing his just wouldn't do.
either way, he decided to move away from the mess that he had made of himself. maybe, it is time we do too..
@Hari
Yeah kinda agree with u on most counts there.Kurt himself often stated that his lyrics were just a huge pile of contradictions and called them "Stupid Poetry".
I just think that we as the human community were at some level responsible for Kurt's downward spiral. He never made his peace with the kinda audience that listened to his music. He considered himself a "sell-out" because he defied the punk rock ethos. Yeah! I know that he was a conflicted and confused individual, but he cared so much. I think the reason i feel so strongly on this is because at some level i feel guilty for what happened to him. I can't help but wonder if NIRVANA had been another sonic youth or the melvins, Kurt would have still been with us.
But like you said he hated adulation when he was alive and would probably hate the mourning now. I know i should move on. I will after i make peace with the fact that I'm not guilty for what happened.
Hey but Kurt singing anyone else's songs, U should listen to him "Where did u sleep last night" written by lead belly or "lake of fire" written by the Meat Puppets. The earnestness in his voice in these two songs is just heart tugging..
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